Maths student about to marry… her Tetris game6th September 2019
A Florida maths student is just months away from walking down the aisle with the love of her life – a Tetris video game.
Noorul Mahjabeen Hassan first fell for her game in 2016, not long after losing her first love – a £160 Texas Instruments NSpire CX calculator called Pierre De Fermat, named after her favourite mathematician.
The academic, who likes to be known as Fractal Tetris Huracan, has a rare condition which makes her have emotions and sexual feelings towards objects rather than fellow humans.
The condition, scientifically recognised as ‘objectophilia’, sees people form close relationships with objects and experience a deep sense of reciprocation based on the belief that objects have souls.
Recently, a famous case involved a woman who ‘married’ the Eiffel Tower. Erika LaBrie – a military veteran and prominent member of the US archery team – is now known as ‘Mrs Eiffel’.
Noorul also intends to take her Tetris’s name after a ceremony early next year and is currently planning her nuptials around playing Tetris for 12 hours each day – often using her tongue to move the shapes. It is believed to be the first case objectophilia involving a video game.
Wearing a Tetris t-shirt, Tetris necklace, and seductively lit by a multi-coloured Tetris lamp, the maths genius admits to engaging in sexual activity with the game thanks to various ‘Tetris-themed collectibles’ given to her by friends.
Speaking to the Daily Mirror, she attempted to explain her feelings towards the 35-year-old retro gaming classic.
“I think Tetris is so beautiful, he is about perfection and he stimulates your mind,” she gushed.
“Physically I get that feeling that people in relationships get – that you know they are the right one.
“I love him so much and get an immense sense of satisfaction with him.
“I have a strong connection with him and have invested so much in him.”
Explaining her unusual desires, the future Mrs Tetris described being unable to form emotional relationships with humans, but instead felt passionately drawn to objects.
“I had feelings for monorails, iPods, treadmills but then from fifth grade onwards that was the first time I had real feelings towards a Garmin GPS,” she smiled wistfully.
“I had no idea why but I would get really shy around GPS or whenever anybody mentioned them, I was obsessed.
“I would always try and make an excuse to use the GPS in the car and I would try to hold it close. I would do anything to try and touch it and to hear its voice. It made me feel really happy.”
In her late teens, Noorul joined an online group for people identifying as ‘objectum sexuals’, and drew inspiration from people like Erika Eiffel who helped her understand that objectophilia wasn’t a sexual fetish.
“I want to make clear there is a big difference. A fetish is sexual whereas objectum sexual is more romantic,” she said.
“You have actual feelings and feel like you emotionally connect with the objects, I’ve never been attracted to humans.”
Love blossomed early for the game-loving number-cruncher when she was gifted a ‘Pierre’ the calculator by her mother.
“I was doing an advanced statistics course at high school and I saw them and thought ‘that’s really sexy’.
Fetish for geometry
“Around the time I fell in love with Pierre I had a strong attraction to math and a fetish for geometry. I called myself Fractal, I was obsessed.
“I was so in love with Pierre, I can’t describe how much I was in love – it was indescribably strong. I took him to my prom and I just felt an explosion inside me like a wild fire was raging in my heart.
“I loved touching his buttons – the feel of his buttons and track pad. I loved running my finger over that and I used my tongue to touch his buttons.
“I liked generating random numbers and multiplying them.
“It was very much an intellectual relationship as well. He’s a calculator – how could it not be?”
Sadly, the numbers didn’t add up to bridal bliss for Noorul and Pierre’s calculated passion, despite the school prom date. The Orlando native said Pierre was simply too intellectually intense to sustain a long-lasting connection.
Sadly, her unusual lifestyle has drawn much scorn from the outside world, leaving her to withdraw from social media where hateful comments are a regular occurrence.
“I am not doing anyone or anything any harm,” she appeals.
“What is the issue? They think it’s weird but I ask them to give me one good reason why I shouldn’t date Tetris and they can’t.”
For now, however, love’s labours are not lost on the engaged couple. Noorul is closing in on completing her studies at Florida University. After which, she and her friends will be celebrating the ma-tetris-mony in style.
“I want to say I’m married to Tetris and have a legitimate ceremony with friends,” she giggles.
“I want everybody to be there. I feel like that would be an official thing which would set it in stone and say ‘I love you and want to prove it to you’ by making it permanent and calling myself Mrs Tetris.”